I have asked many married men why they decided they want to get married in the first place. The answers always range from ‘Well, she became someone I got used to having around’ which isn’t so bad compared to ‘she gave me the ultimatum – to marry her or leave her’ or ‘Well, she was the one who proposed and rushed me into it’ and the ‘I will let her down if I don’t marry her after being together with her for so long’.
When I hear such answers, my heart dies a little inside and I imagine in my head of them saying sweet nothings to their to-be wives, going on a knee and proposing but deep inside they don’t even believe half the words they are saying to their to-be wives. They are just doing it as an obligation, a duty, a responsibility of a man.
And every time I hear such an answer from these married men, I don’t know why but I get so filled with fear because I don’t want to be that girl.
I don’t want to be just another duty to be filled. I don’t want to be an obligation just because he is at that age and everyone is telling him he should settle down or he won’t be seen as reliable or as promotable at work. I don’t want to be that girl whom he has no other choice but to marry just because there aren’t other better options or other better girls that like him. I don’t want to be that girl he becomes comfortable with having around just because it is convenient and nice. I don’t want to be the second best girl he just settles with.
Whenever I think about the possibility I may end up in a situation like that, I just resist the urge to break down and cry. Because as much of a cynic as I am, I still believe in marriage. I still believe that the official union of two people wanting to become a much bigger part of each other’s lives is a sacred one. And it should be made by two individuals who is willing to choose each other everyday for the rest of their lives despite the odds and no matter how batshit crazy one of them is going to get at one point of time in their lives.
Can anyone tell me all hope is not lost yet?