You know how love was?
Love was always feeling the butterflies wrecking havoc in the pits of your stomach every time you lay your eyes on him, every time he smiles and every time he speaks. He wrecks havoc in your mind both in the day and night. Just when you think you’ve cleaned your feelings up, a simple gesture, a slight touch, a brief smile would send jolts through your body, shocking your feelings back alive again.
Love was about waiting for him to notice you. It was about stolen glances along corridors, and long nights after nights of yearning for him to turn around to say hi to you. It was about the late nights spent waiting for hours for a reply and dropping hints to see if he is interested.
Love was all those times worrying about how you look to him. Am I pretty enough? Am I cute enough? Is this sexy or does it look like you are trying too hard? Will he like me if I dress this way? How many times have these questions crossed your mind? Nevertheless, you always try so hard to morph into an image of what you think he would like to see.
You cry. worry. You panic. You fuss about. You throw your hands up. You know you’re just chasing dreams. That was how love was.
But what love is?
Love is realizing how surprisingly easy it is to be with him. How easy it is to be honest with yourself around him. “Give me your hand,” You would say if you wanted to hold hands. You’re not embarrassed. You’re not shy for asking for what you want. You become surprisingly honest with yourself around him.
It is about waking up on the first morning together propping to his side while being very careful not to wake him up thinking he’d get angry for waking him up but he would stir half-awake, registering your presence slightly and automatically wrapping his arms around you while going back to sleep. He doesn’t know this but Love is wishing those ten minutes every morning after that could remain for a little longer.
Love is falling sick and worrying for each other together. It is knowing that there is someone who will tuck you into bed and head out to buy bottles of Pocari Sweat, chicken soup and flu medicine when you’re down with flu on a vacation together. It is, in turn, convincing him to go to a hospital when he’s weak with a persistent fever and driving him there for a consultation.
Love is all the crazy fights and silly arguments over things that don’t make sense when you think about it. But above all that, it is forgiving and learning from each other’s silly mistakes and growing up together. It is growing closer together and creating a better understanding of one another through all the fights and the silly arguments.
You cry. You worry. You fuss about.
But this time you never ever want to give this up. Because you know you got something you want to cherish and protect for as long as you can. So you laugh. You cherish. You’ll always come back home. That is what Love is.