A strange dichotomy

When they ask what I think about all this moving, 

I want to say that it feels like a fresh start, like you’re finally getting down to cleaning the weeds in your lawn and sweeping the dust out, and letting the sunshine in finally. It feels like you’re finally done hanging onto things that should not matter anymore. It feels neat and clean and fresh. And you’re finally seeing that you have so much space in your life again. But it feels equally empty and terrifying like what am I going to do with all this new found space I have now?! 

The fresh start is extremely exhilarating. It makes my blood pump faster and slower at the same time. The excitement in my bones of what’s to come. I welcome experience – both good and bad. I’m doing everything once and for all – like forcing myself to see the dentist to make sure I have a clean set of teeth even though I hate going to the dentist, and getting a fresh new haircut and colour, I got myself a new pair of glasses and fresh set of clothes and undergarments. It feels like I’m an empty canvas again. And if anyone asks me how all that feels like, I will tell them it feels incredibly refreshing. It feels like rebirth. And it also feels like death.